I’ve always been a person who believes in experiencing life. I’ve done this for as long as I can remember. If I could only tell you all of the experiences I’ve had, some better than others, I would. But the stories would take years to tell. Each one was experienced in real moments of my life. Many of them shaped my life. The one thing I’ve been really good at is listening and believing while I’m in the experience. I acknowledge the speaker’s story during the time they are with me. Not just hearing them, but listening deeply. Granted, it’s a learned skill from hours of working with young people as a support worker assisting those in crisis or in the client rooms as a counsellor. Being silent while a person speaks is a lot harder than you might think.
In my support work or when I travel I listen. This very concept keeps my writing filled with the human element. Real people. Real issues. Real conversations. I don’t like the idea of allowing myself to sit in a bubble. Granted, in my work I’m often exposed to the darker elements in the lives of others, but all of those elements impact on other people, mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, cousins, uncles, aunties and sometimes their friends. Understanding how, why, when and what’s happening is about understanding the human elements involved.
Once when I was travelling I had to negotiate in a foreign country after an accident when everything was out of my control. The words that come to mind, remain calm.
Here, I will share a few other moments in particular that changed my life.
The first time I ever attended a Buddhist lecture I didn’t know what to expect. The monk stood there, tall, thin, bald and wrapped in orange robes. But there was something about him, a peacefulness I guess. Serenity in blood, bone and body. When he spoke we all listened. I still remember the most important words he spoke that night. Words I listened to, learned from, and placed into my life.
‘Everything is impermanent.’ he said. ‘Forever changing.’
And when a change was forced upon me over and over again in my life, I remembered his words. I became familiar with the idea of change being a natural phenomenon. It would be part of my life, forever.
The photo was taken in Vietnam
I have thousands of conversations with strangers. It happens in my night work all of the time.
But not every conversation we have has a direct impact. Sometimes we have to digest the moments spent in conversation. This was one of those conversations.
Well before I was working as a support worker/counsellor I had a conversation that would change my life. Do I have any regrets from that encounter? Yes, I never asked him his name. This man cannot know the profound impact he would have on my life.
It was an autumn afternoon, late in the day if I remember correctly. I was a matured age student, trudging along with my books and bad mood after a long day. My life was complicated back then. And just to top it off I was disgruntled with my choice of study, feeling completely baffled at why I didn’t choose a creative stream of university study instead of international business. I walked past the “suits” office workers, accountants, lawyers, business analysts and some retail workers in the city of Brisbane to my usual bus stop. A whole bus seat except for the very end was vacant. Odd, for this time in the afternoon. I quickly realised why. The man at the end of the seat appeared, by physical assumption alone, to be homeless. I sat down letting the “suits” continue to stand.
It wasn’t long after that he spoke to me. He looked at my books. ‘Are you a university student?’ he asked.
‘Yes, I am.’ I smiled.
This was the acknowledgement he needed. Two things confirmed the continuation of this conversation. A non-biased smile and an answer. And so began a conversation that I would never forget.
Over the period of an hour, he told me that he was once a university professor of science. His life shattered after a series of events. To numb the pain he turned to alcohol. This smart, wonderful man, with not a cent to his name had hit rock-bottom.
Only in that week had he started to pull the pieces of himself back together. He had managed to secure a room in a hostel. I missed my bus twice. I’m guessing so did he. At the end of our conversation, he asked me for four dollars.
I handed him all the change I had. He only took four dollars saying, ‘You’ve given me more in conversation.’
He caught the next bus and so did I. I never saw him again.
How did this experience change my life? Did a simple conversation have so much impact on both of us? For many years now I have volunteered with an organisation that provides outreach programs for the homeless, disadvantaged and the vulnerable people in our community. The volunteering I do in the community happened because of that very conversation.
The photo was taken in Hong Kong
Probably the most humbling experience happened when I was travelling in Vietnam with my friend Sally.
We had wandered into a female Buddhist monastery. The female monks were resting on the floor, looking peaceful. A few times during the visit I wished I had what they had. I wanted to feel that kind of peace. But we didn’t want to disturb them so we wandered around the beautiful building.
While we were looking around, several female monks, came over to us. One monk in particular caught my eye. After spending many years in the fashion industry my eyes were honed to spot a beautiful face. Even with a bald head, she was spectacular. I felt compelled to tell her. Yes, a very western thing to do, right?
‘You are very beautiful,’ I said.
The older monk next to me was clearly wiser than me. She replied. ‘All women are beautiful.‘ And she was right.
My western perception of physical beauty had clouded my true understanding of the real qualities of beauty.
These experiences help us grow. And if we listen deeply we will grab hold of them and keep them with us forever.
Oh, and other new experience from this week…
I played my first game of bullshit. While I can’t tell you where or why. Some of the support work I do has to remain confidential but believe me when I say it was hilarious and fun. Yet another new experience.
So until next time… “Be brave and bold in your chosen field of creativity. And never be afraid to explore new techniques”
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